When a person is jealous, it usually means he or she is insecure about something. If jealousy lurks inside the woman you're involved with, there's a right way to handle it and a very, very wrong way. Do the wrong thing and watch the crazy combust. I've done a lot of crazy, jealousy-fueled things I am ashamed of. Things that make me cringe when I remember that, yes, that was in fact me and, no, I cannot take it back. I'd like to be able to blame it all on hormonal imbalances caused by black market birth control some crack doctor forced on me, but that would be a huge lie. All I have to blame are my insecurities and my lack of control over them. If I have learned one thing in the last seven years and five serious relationships, it's that jealousy is just insecurity wearing a super-ugly mask.
Sometimes, it takes a lot of magic to remove the mask safely. As a recovered jealous freak, I feel like I have a lot of advice that might help amateur jealous freaks avoid becoming professional jealous freaks. I also feel like as a recovering jealous freak who has had a lot of dating and relationship experience, I know how best to handle a freak like me. And believe me, we're everywhere.
No matter who you are, you're going to encounter at least one of us along the way.I remember one all-time low when I found out an ex-boyfriend of mine had taken home another girl from a party we were all at. It was killing me that he was even there, and the fact that he was avoiding me made it worse. When he left the party, I followed him home and waited outside, then drunkenly threw rocks at his bedroom window until he had to open it and shoo me away (naturally, I wasn't going anywhere). Not only did I ruin his chance at rebounding with a normal girl by forcing the attention to revert to myself, but I made myself into the thing I hated most: the crazy jealous ex-girlfriend. The thing about jealousy is that it doesn't happen if you feel 100% confident, but no one, not even Beyonce, is 100% confident all the time. What I'm trying to say is that jealousy is almost inevitable. So huddle close, friends, and let me tell you how to handle it.
The best way to deal with jealousy is conversation and logic. I know this can be extremely hard when your girlfriend has pushed you to the limit of your sanity, but you have to remember that she isn't psycho, she's just feeling insecure. Try to think about why this might be. It's OK to ask, but you have to do it the right way. Take her aside, give her a hug, and just say, "What's going on with you? Is everything OK?" The tone is so important here. There cannot be an inch of frustration in your voice. Deep breath, OK? She might defensively react by putting the blame back on you or on some girl you were talking to. She might cry. She might deny that anything is wrong. Alcohol usually affects the reaction. Is she drunk? Are you drunk? Will having a drunken talk be helpful right now? If you are both drunk, it's best to separate and talk about this in the morning. There is nothing wrong with that. It's the smart choice.
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“You only lie to two people in your life, your girlfriend and the police.” - Jack Nicholson
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